i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
