Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
