well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
