she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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