how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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