I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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