oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize