Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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