Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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