smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
two words...techno handjob
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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