dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
