not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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