why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
