Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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