The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
a search helicopter?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
