you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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