why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
