Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
