I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
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