come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
