we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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