It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
false alarm, still single
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
