Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
