my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
