i would punch a child for taco bell
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
