i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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