Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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