Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize