You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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