im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
please don't ironically join a cult
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