Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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