what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
