If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
