and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
