careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
