Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
