I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
