note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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