smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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