So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
