Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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