i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
