There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
