Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
