when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you win again, gameday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got inside last night via doggy door
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
