Swine flu. Run for my life!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
