This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
