you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
