What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
