i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
