First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw