Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
