i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
