we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
