I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
