You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
