White coat. Heels.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
