we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
