my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're like the curious george of whores
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
